Trump vs Musk
Interview: Trump Says He’s Not on Epstein’s List, Suggests Musk ‘Went Crazy’
Torn Wires sat down with Trump for a 25-minute interview, portions of which are transcribed.
The Fake News Media
Trump Deports CNN Reporter to El Salvadorian Prison for Asking Tough Question at Press Conference
WASHINGTON - President Donald Trump this week ordered the deportation of CNN White House correspondent James Costa directly into an El Salvadorian maximum-security prison after the reporter had the audacity to ask “a rude, nasty, very disrespectful question” about inflation. The press conference, which was intended to be a "
The Almighty
God to Trump: 'You're Making Me Look Bad Up Here'
HEAVEN - In a rare celestial address, God Almighty reportedly expressed deep frustration with President Donald Trump, lamenting that his continued invocation of divine support is causing a “serious branding issue” for the kingdom of heaven. “Look, I’m omnipotent and all that, but even I have limits when it
War on Federal Employees
Trump Orders Remote Working Federal Employees to be Abducted from Homes and Brought Back to Office
WASHINGTON - As a follow up to President Trump’s recent executive order forcing federal employees to work in person five days a week, Trump has issued another executive order mandating that all federal employees that are still working remotely be forcibly abducted from their homes and returned to government
Civil Rights
After Trump Executive Order Department of Education Brings Back Segregation
WASHINGTON - President Trump signed an executive order Monday morning demanding the Department of Education "institute segregation within the next 90 days." Leaked memos reveal that the Department of Education is wasting no time in following orders, with reports surfacing of brand-new "blacks only" and "
Government
Elon Musk Realizes He Knows Nothing About Government Efficiency Midway Through Speech About Government Efficiency
WASHINGTON, DC - During a press conference at the White House this morning, Elon Musk delivered a speech on government efficiency, a topic he admittedly knows nothing about. The speech began with Musk confidently outlining a plan to streamline federal agencies but things took a turn when he paused mid-sentence,
politics
President Biden Wins a $5 Bet on Trump Defeating Harris, Prompting Questions About Political Betting
In a twist no one saw coming (except, apparently, President Joe Biden), the Commander-in-Chief is now $5 richer after winning a bet on Donald Trump taking the White House over his own Vice President, Kamala Harris. "People said I was just being my usual ‘Uncle Joe’ self," Biden
Satire
Trump Says School Shootings Could be Avoided if School Crossing Guards Get Machine Guns
Mar-a-Lago, FL— Speaking from his home in Florida, Trump made a statement explaining that the recent Georgia school shooting is a tragedy but could have been avoided if school crossing guards had machine guns. "Let me tell you something, folks," Trump began. "If those school crossing guards
Donald Trump
In Response to Trump’s Lawyer’s Argument that President can Kill Political Rivals, Justices Say President is Only able to Kill Three Political Rivals in One Term
WASHINGTON, DC - In response to former President Trump's lawyer's "hypothetical" argument that the President is legally allowed to kill political opponents, Supreme Court justices agreed that the president is legally allowed to kill political rivals, as long as there is no more than
Supreme Court
Citing Second Amendment, Trump’s Lawyer Argues President can Legally Order Bears to Maul Political Rivals
WASHINGTON, DC - While citing an oddly literal interpretation of the second amendment, Trump’s lawyer argued before the Supreme Court that the president can legally order bears to maul his political rivals. “The second amendment discusses bears and how citizens can legally use bears and bear arms,” explained Jack
How to be a dictator
Trump Reads Wiki-How Article on How to be a Dictator
Former American President Donald Trump, possibly in an effort to make himself look like an even worse person, read the article “How to be a Dictator” on the website Wiki-How. This information was released by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) who claims to have been monitoring the
Supreme Court
US Supreme Court to Rule Whether Trump is Satan
Ex-president and fanny magnet Donald Trump has had his share of troubles with the US courts of late. But now in a move widely predicted by pundits, the US Supreme Court has agreed to rule on Trump’s most difficult and controversial court battle. Trump is defending an action brought
Donald Trump
Trump Claims his Mugshot means he Now Identifies More with Criminals
Ex president and orange-faced loud mouth Donald Trump boasted at a recent press call that, because he has recently had his mugshot entered onto police files, he now identifies more with criminals, crooks, embezzlers, traitors, sexual perverts, muggers, the mafia, petty thieves, fraudsters, and kiddie fiddlers. “Just look at my
Boris
Trump Replaces Boris Nadezhdin in Russian Elections
In a surprise turnaround, ex President and bewigged ‘hottie’ Donald Trump has abandoned his campaign to gain the Republican Party nomination to run for US president for a second time. Instead he has opted to replace Boris Nadezhdin on the Russian presidency election ticket. Nadezhdin was recently barred from running
Nikki Haley
Trump Challenges Haley to a Cage Fight
The news of ‘Run Ronnie Run Away’ DeSantis throwing in the towel for the Republican nomination to run for the US presidency came as no shock to pundits. However, what has taken the world’s political observers by complete surprise is this. A challenge has been issued by the frontrunner
Trump
Valspar to Launch New Paint Color – Trump Sienna
One of America’s leading paint companies, Valspar, has today proudly announced to a gathered press pack the launch of a new color that it has added to its range of paints. It’s called ‘Trump Sienna’. It’s supposed to be an exact match of the color of ex