The Almighty
HEAVEN - In a rare celestial address, God Almighty reportedly expressed deep frustration with President Donald Trump, lamenting that his continued invocation of divine support is causing a “serious branding issue” for the kingdom of heaven. “Look, I’m omnipotent and all that, but even I have limits when it
War on Federal Employees
Washington, DC - As a follow up to President Trump’s recent executive order forcing federal employees to work in person five days a week, Trump has issued another executive order mandating that all federal employees that are still working remotely be forcibly abducted from their homes and returned to
Civil Rights
WASHINGTON, DC - President Trump signed an executive order Monday morning demanding the Department of Education "institute segregation within the next 90 days." Leaked memos reveal that the Department of Education is wasting no time in following orders, with reports surfacing of brand-new "blacks only" and
End of the World
Des Moines, IA - Members of the Heaven’s Truth organization, who are adamant their organization is not a cult, failed to correctly predict the end of days for the fifth consecutive time in the last three years, causing widespread frustration and mild embarrassment within the group. “We really thought
Health
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a landmark decision this week, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved the first-ever "prescription-strength placebo," ushering in a new era for the placebo industry and Big Pharma's never-ending quest to make billions of dollars off your misery. Dr. Karen Mills, the
Elon Musk
Prime Minister of Israel Benjamin Netanyahu made a post on X saying, Musk “is being falsely smeared. Elon is a great friend of Israel. He visited Israel after the October 7 massacre… [and] has since repeatedly and forcefully supported Israel’s right to defend itself against genocidal terrorists and regimes
Government
WASHINGTON, DC - During a press conference at the White House this morning, Elon Musk delivered a speech on government efficiency, a topic he admittedly knows nothing about. The speech began with Musk confidently outlining a plan to streamline federal agencies but things took a turn when he paused mid-sentence,
Adam Johns was attending a business dinner recently when the man next to him began to drone on about annuities and asset allocation. Ten minutes in, Johns had enough. But he didn't know how to escape the situation. Here are ten ways to get out of a boring
Menlo Park, CA - In a recent press conference at Meta Headquarters, CEO Mark Zuckerberg vehemently denied ongoing internet rumors claiming he is a reptilian, only to spend the subsequent two hours basking under a heat lamp installed at the podium. "The idea that I'm part of
Austin, TX — Elon Musk, the billionaire entrepreneur known for his bold ventures into space and electric cars, made a controversial remark directed at former Tesla employees who were upset over their recent layoffs. In a post made on X (formerly known as Twitter) Musk told the former staff members to
ANN ARBOR, MI - A recent study conducted by the University of Michigan, which analyzed over four million job postings, found that a majority of all entry-level job postings require applicants to have at least 80 years of professional experience, be proficient in 12 languages, and be able to perform
A humor and satire website that publishes the most outrageous news stories.
MENLO PARK, CA — Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced that he will be unable to attend President Donald Trump's inauguration due to a prior commitment: a high-level meeting of the global reptilian elite scheduled for the same day. Zuckerberg, who was slated to co-host a reception with prominent Republican
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – OpenAI whistleblower Jai Agarwal tragically died in a courtroom mere moments before he was set to testify. As Agarwal approached the witness stand to reveal alleged corporate misconduct, he reportedly let out a high-pitched scream, clutched his chest, and collapsed to the floor, twitching slightly before becoming
SILICON VALLEY, CA — In a hastily arranged press conference, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg denied persistent rumors that he hosts clandestine gatherings with a shadowy cabal of reptilian overlords in his subterranean bunker. “I want to be clear: I’m just a normal, socially awkward billionaire with a penchant for BBQ
In a twist no one saw coming (except, apparently, President Joe Biden), the Commander-in-Chief is now $5 richer after winning a bet on Donald Trump taking the White House over his own Vice President, Kamala Harris. "People said I was just being my usual ‘Uncle Joe’ self," Biden
With these classic one-liners and tried-and-true strategies, you can hold your own in any political discussion without knowing anything at all. 1. "It’s About Time We Had Some Real Change Around Here" This line is a timeless crowd-pleaser, perfect for any election year. Whether the discussion’s
San Francisco, CA — In a move to clear up any confusion surrounding his latest venture, Sam Altman, CEO of OpenAI and CEO of World, the organization formerly known as Worldcoin, reassured the public today that the new biometric eye-scanning devices popping up around the world are "definitely, 100%, without
History has no shortage of dramatic events, but every now and then, something happens that’s so strange, it feels like the universe itself might be trolling us. Here's a look at some of these bizarre events. 1. The Great Emu War (1932) Apparently, Australia declared war on
Mar-a-Lago, FL— Speaking from his home in Florida, Trump made a statement explaining that the recent Georgia school shooting is a tragedy but could have been avoided if school crossing guards had machine guns. "Let me tell you something, folks," Trump began. "If those school crossing guards
Conspiracy theories: we love to laugh at them until we realize that sometimes, hidden beneath layers of tinfoil hats and bizarre logic, there’s a tiny, ridiculous grain of truth. Here are five outlandish conspiracy theories that aren’t entirely wrong—just mostly. 1. The Government is Watching You Through
So, you’ve grown tired of the daily grind, and your side hustle isn't getting you the mansion and private island you always dreamed of? Well, it might be time to start a cult. Before you dismiss this idea as “morally dubious” or “a quick way to get
Welcome to the Middle Ages, where a trim, a tooth yank, and a nice, clean amputation were all on the menu.
Local 38-year-old office worker Dave Jenkins, who once considered a brisk walk to the fridge his daily exercise, now boasts a far more rigid routine. "I used to think, 'Hey, I’ll just have a cup of coffee and head to work,'" Dave recalls wistfully. "