Trump vs Musk
Interview: Trump Says He’s Not on Epstein’s List, Suggests Musk ‘Went Crazy’
Torn Wires sat down with Trump for a 25-minute interview, portions of which are transcribed.
The Fake News Media
Trump Deports CNN Reporter to El Salvadorian Prison for Asking Tough Question at Press Conference
WASHINGTON - President Donald Trump this week ordered the deportation of CNN White House correspondent James Costa directly into an El Salvadorian maximum-security prison after the reporter had the audacity to ask “a rude, nasty, very disrespectful question” about inflation. The press conference, which was intended to be a "
Trade War
Economists Warn Tariffs May Increase Prices, Trump Says: “Just Stop Buying Stuff”
As economists across the country raise alarms over the potential cost of President Donald Trump’s latest round of proposed tariffs, the president offered a characteristically unconventional solution on Friday: “Just stop buying stuff.” At a press conference, Trump unveiled a sweeping proposal to expand tariffs on countries he described
Donald Trump
Trump Says Stranded Astronauts are Pure Evil After Finding Out they Voted for Harris
WASHINGTON - After praising the astronauts that were stuck in space for nine months, President Trump invited the astronauts to the White House and to a press conference Sunday morning. During the press conference Trump went from praising the astronauts to saying that the astronauts are "pure evil"
Trump and Zelensky
Trump Suggests Ukraine Conflict Could Be Resolved Over a ‘Nice Steak Dinner’ if Zelensky Pays Check
WASHINGTON - After a tumultuous meeting between Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky and President Donald Trump, Trump stated during his congressional address that having a “nice steak dinner” could lead to the brokering of a peace deal with Russia. Trump, who claimed to have "brokered the best deals, the very
The Almighty
God to Trump: 'You're Making Me Look Bad Up Here'
HEAVEN - In a rare celestial address, God Almighty reportedly expressed deep frustration with President Donald Trump, lamenting that his continued invocation of divine support is causing a “serious branding issue” for the kingdom of heaven. “Look, I’m omnipotent and all that, but even I have limits when it
War on Federal Employees
Trump Orders Remote Working Federal Employees to be Abducted from Homes and Brought Back to Office
WASHINGTON - As a follow up to President Trump’s recent executive order forcing federal employees to work in person five days a week, Trump has issued another executive order mandating that all federal employees that are still working remotely be forcibly abducted from their homes and returned to government
Civil Rights
After Trump Executive Order Department of Education Brings Back Segregation
WASHINGTON - President Trump signed an executive order Monday morning demanding the Department of Education "institute segregation within the next 90 days." Leaked memos reveal that the Department of Education is wasting no time in following orders, with reports surfacing of brand-new "blacks only" and "
Government
Elon Musk Realizes He Knows Nothing About Government Efficiency Midway Through Speech About Government Efficiency
WASHINGTON, DC - During a press conference at the White House this morning, Elon Musk delivered a speech on government efficiency, a topic he admittedly knows nothing about. The speech began with Musk confidently outlining a plan to streamline federal agencies but things took a turn when he paused mid-sentence,
politics
President Biden Wins a $5 Bet on Trump Defeating Harris, Prompting Questions About Political Betting
In a twist no one saw coming (except, apparently, President Joe Biden), the Commander-in-Chief is now $5 richer after winning a bet on Donald Trump taking the White House over his own Vice President, Kamala Harris. "People said I was just being my usual ‘Uncle Joe’ self," Biden
Elections
Top 5 Ways to Sound Informed on Election Issues Without Actually Knowing Anything
With these classic one-liners and tried-and-true strategies, you can hold your own in any political discussion without knowing anything at all. 1. "It’s About Time We Had Some Real Change Around Here" This line is a timeless crowd-pleaser, perfect for any election year. Whether the discussion’s
Satire
Trump Says School Shootings Could be Avoided if School Crossing Guards Get Machine Guns
Mar-a-Lago, FL— Speaking from his home in Florida, Trump made a statement explaining that the recent Georgia school shooting is a tragedy but could have been avoided if school crossing guards had machine guns. "Let me tell you something, folks," Trump began. "If those school crossing guards
Donald Trump
In Response to Trump’s Lawyer’s Argument that President can Kill Political Rivals, Justices Say President is Only able to Kill Three Political Rivals in One Term
WASHINGTON, DC - In response to former President Trump's lawyer's "hypothetical" argument that the President is legally allowed to kill political opponents, Supreme Court justices agreed that the president is legally allowed to kill political rivals, as long as there is no more than
Supreme Court
Citing Second Amendment, Trump’s Lawyer Argues President can Legally Order Bears to Maul Political Rivals
WASHINGTON, DC - While citing an oddly literal interpretation of the second amendment, Trump’s lawyer argued before the Supreme Court that the president can legally order bears to maul his political rivals. “The second amendment discusses bears and how citizens can legally use bears and bear arms,” explained Jack
How to be a dictator
Trump Reads Wiki-How Article on How to be a Dictator
Former American President Donald Trump, possibly in an effort to make himself look like an even worse person, read the article “How to be a Dictator” on the website Wiki-How. This information was released by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) who claims to have been monitoring the
Donald Trump
Trump Mocks Biden’s stutter as Intro to Offensive Impersonations Cabaret
At a red neck rally in Idaho yesterday, a packed hall of ‘bubbas’ was stunned into silence by the weird and somewhat deranged antics of their hero, ex president and fanny magnet Donald Trump. Just under ten thousand red neck Trump acolytes had each paid a $200 entrance fee to