Government
Washington, D.C. — A government employee has thrown the United States government into a full-blown crisis by performing his duties with exceptional effectiveness and efficiency. The saga began early Monday morning when John, a mid-level bureaucrat at the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), accidentally completed all of his assigned tasks
Entertainement
LOS ANGELES - A-list actor Tom Cruise announced he’s parting ways with the Church of Scientology after realizing he hasn't been on a prolonged movie set for the past three decades. Sources close to Cruise state that for years, the actor believed his involvement with the Church
Local
In an innovative approach to health and fitness, FlexFlex Revolution Gym has unveiled its latest strategy to ensure members show up: The “Get Up or Else” membership plan. For just $29.99 a month, members can now enjoy the traditional amenities of a gym, plus the added benefit of a
I have a tesla
In a groundbreaking study that has rocked the parking lots of Whole Foods and the driveways of Silicon Valley, researchers have concluded that a whopping 97% of Tesla drivers believe they're superior to non-Tesla motorists. The findings, published in the prestigious journal Nature, have finally provided empirical evidence
Foreign Affairs
Antony Blinken, currently the 71st US Secretary of State and the man that gave the world bland diplomacy, has paid a whistle-stop visit to Thailand. In the press briefing following the visit, a spokesperson for Blinken said, “We’ve tried our best to keep this visit under the radar. How
Joe Biden
President Biden has a reputation for blunders, but his latest clusterfuck trumps (no pun intended) them all. His advisors informed the president that the swing state of Georgia was a fundamental place to hold a rally for his supporters if he was to succeed in winning the presidential election later
Houthi Rebels
The world’s media was shocked by the news that emerged yesterday that Farne Island had been invaded by a small band of Houthi rebels. A force of twelve Houthis ‘raided’ the scenic island off the coast of Northumberland in the UK. The attack party landed on the beach at
Steve Bannon
Ex White House Chief Strategist, and shagged out 60s pop star Peter Noone lookalike, Steve Bannon, admitted to a press gathering that he wears Nazi SS uniform onesie pyjamas in bed. The surprise admission came after this question was asked of Bannon by young Gavin, the UK cub reporter for
Entertainment
In a move that has stunned silly cartoon lovers across the globe, the agent for Marge Simpson, Michael Mouse, announced at a press call that she was quitting the TV cartoon series ‘The Simpsons’ forthwith. “Marge was a founder member of the cast from the first episode until today,” said
Training Wheels
In a move to squash the never ending press lambasts at President Joe Biden’s fragility, his aides have had him fitted with a set of training wheels. At a hastily assembled press gathering at The White House, Biden’s Director of Communications, Mr William Bullshit, announced the move. “We’
Supreme Court
Ex-president and fanny magnet Donald Trump has had his share of troubles with the US courts of late. But now in a move widely predicted by pundits, the US Supreme Court has agreed to rule on Trump’s most difficult and controversial court battle. Trump is defending an action brought
Joe Biden
In a presidential election year it was predictable that one side or the other’s candidate would come up with an outrageous scheme to improve their chances of becoming the president. It was generally thought that ex president Donald Trump would be the most likely to invent a way of
Donald Trump
Ex president and orange-faced loud mouth Donald Trump boasted at a recent press call that, because he has recently had his mugshot entered onto police files, he now identifies more with criminals, crooks, embezzlers, traitors, sexual perverts, muggers, the mafia, petty thieves, fraudsters, and kiddie fiddlers. “Just look at my
United Kingdom
There was turmoil in the UK House of Commons yesterday after the Speaker, Sir Lindsay Hoyle, carried out a prank on the assembled Members of Parliament, that has been widely condemned by all UK parliamentary parties, the establishment, and the majority of British citizens. “It was in extremely bad taste,
Business
Mountain View, CA - Tech giant Google is facing a class-action lawsuit for allegedly forcing its interns to toil away in what they call "Idea Chambers." The dark secret behind the company's renowned innovation might finally be exposed as former interns come forward with disturbing tales