News
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Mark Zuckerberg Claims He’s Not a Reptillian then Proceeds to Sit Under Heat Lamp for Two Hours
Menlo Park, CA – In a recent press conference at Meta Headquarters, CEO Mark…
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Elon Musk Says Upset Employees Fired from Tesla Should “Get Over It” Since We are Just Living in a Simulation
Austin, TX — Elon Musk, the billionaire entrepreneur known for his bold ventures into…
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Feminists Declare Women can be Terrorists Too
In an effort to break the glass ceiling even further, several feminist non-profit organizations…
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Boeing Preemptively Kills All Employees After Wing Detaches From Plane Mid-Flight
WASHINGTON, DC — In what’s being described as a shocking overreaction, Boeing executives reportedly…
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New Study Finds That Most Entry-Level Job Postings Require 80 Years of Experience and Heart Surgery Ability
ANN ARBOR, MI – A recent study conducted by the University of Michigan, which…
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10 Things Only People Who Hate Mornings Understand
For those who hate mornings, each day starts with its own set of trials…
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Small-Town Police Chief Happy That Someone In Town was Finally Murdered, Even if it was His Wife
COLLIERVILLE, TX – Collierville, known primarily for its annual corn festival and competitive knitting…
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In Response to Trump’s Lawyer’s Argument that President can Kill Political Rivals, Justices Say President is Only able to Kill Three Political Rivals in One Term
WASHINGTON, DC – In response to former President Trump’s lawyer’s “hypothetical” argument that the…
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Citing Second Amendment, Trump’s Lawyer Argues President can Legally Order Bears to Maul Political Rivals
WASHINGTON, DC – While citing an oddly literal interpretation of the second amendment, Trump’s…
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Local Man Finally Achieves Perfect Work-Life Balance by No Longer Going to Work
SEATTLE, WA – In need of work-life balance, local resident Stephen Ericson decided to…