News
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Leaked: Trump has Shrine to Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping in Oval Office
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to an anonymous White House staffer, President Trump has erected…
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Russia and Ukraine Agree to Swap Prisoners in Hopes of Building Trust Before Breaking It Again Tomorrow
KYIV—In a display of almost-cooperation, Russia and Ukraine have agreed to a prisoner swap,…
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Citing Second Amendment, Trump’s Lawyer Argues President can Legally Order Bears to Maul Political Rivals
WASHINGTON, DC – While citing an oddly literal interpretation of the second amendment, Trump’s…
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Local Man Finally Achieves Perfect Work-Life Balance by No Longer Going to Work
SEATTLE, WA – In need of work-life balance, local resident Stephen Ericson decided to…
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Google Begins Firing Any Employee Who has Opinion on Israel-Palestine Conflict
SILICON VALLEY, CA – Google announced this morning that it will begin terminating any…
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Conspiracy Theorist Who Adores Elon Musk Explains How Bill Gates Will Implant Microchips in Everyone
In an exclusive interview from his underground bunker, local conspiracy theorist and self-proclaimed Elon…
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8 Things You Should Never Say in an Elevator
“I hope they fixed it this time.” Say this while glancing nervously at the…
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Local Man Discovers Hidden Portal to Neighbor’s Garage – Claims He’s ‘Just Borrowing Some Tools’
In a neighborhood that was previously known for its picket fences and well-tended lawns,…
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Government Employee is Actually Productive, Nation Declares State of Emergency
Washington, D.C. — A government employee has thrown the United States government into a…
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Boeing Dodges Lawsuit After Passengers Fall Out of Giant Hole in Plane
Boeing has apparently sidestepped a major lawsuit after passengers on one of its planes…