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Top 5 Ways to Sound Informed on Election Issues Without Actually Knowing Anything

With these classic one-liners and tried-and-true strategies, you can hold your own in any…
Sam Altman Says his Company’s Eye Scanning Orb is “Definitely” Not Part of a Plan to Plot World Domination

San Francisco, CA — In a move to clear up any confusion surrounding his latest…
Trump Says School Shootings Could be Avoided if School Crossing Guards Get Machine Guns

Mar-a-Lago, FL— Speaking from his home in Florida, Trump made a statement explaining that…
9 Reasons Why You Should Start a Cult Today

So, you’ve grown tired of the daily grind, and your side hustle isn’t getting…
Local Man Achieves Peak Health by Following Every Morning Show Health Tip

Local 38-year-old office worker Dave Jenkins, who once considered a brisk walk to the…
The 10 Best Gifts to Give Someone without Spending a Dime

The best things in life are free—like unsolicited advice and that sock you found…
Help. I’m Trapped! 10 Ways to Get Out of a Boring Conversation

Adam Johns was attending a business dinner recently when the man next to him…
Biden Falling Asleep Mid-Speech Mistaken for Excessively Long Dramatic Pause

WEST POINT, NY – President Joe Biden’s recent graduation speech at West Point was…
Government Declares War on Piracy, Executes Local Man for Watching “Avengers: Endgame” Without Paying

CINCINNATI, OHIO – Authorities have taken drastic measures to address movie piracy by executing…
Local Man that Always Carries Phone that Records his Every Move Fears Bill Gates is Trying to Microchip Him

SPRINGFIELD, IL — Local resident Steve Johnson, a 35-year-old self-proclaimed tech skeptic, is raising…