News

Putin says Russian Civil Rights Leader Stabbed Himself in Back 64 Times

RT, a news company funded by the Russian government, ran a news story on…
Leaked: Biden Whispered ‘Where am I’ While Hugging Israeli Prime Minister

Washington — According to an anonymous source, when President Joe Biden hugged the Israeli…
OpenAI Rehires CEO Sam Altman After AI Decides It Prefers Working Remotely

OpenAI has reinstated Sam Altman as CEO just weeks after he was ousted by…
Biden Discovers He’s President on 81st Birthday After Seeing ‘Happy Birthday, Mr. President!’ Sign

Washington, D.C. — In what political historians are calling an unprecedented revelation, President Joe…
After Budget Cuts, NSA Asks Citizens to Voluntarily Submit Their Daily Conversations

The National Security Agency (NSA) has launched a new initiative asking American citizens to…
CEO Admits ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ Strategy Not Effective for Boosting Quarterly Earnings

The CEO of Globex Inc., John Q. Moneybags, has publicly declared that the company’s…
Biden Actually Understands That He’s President, Solves Middle East Crisis

President Joe Biden has miraculously come to the realization that he is, in fact,…
Vladimir Putin Declares Himself Winner of World’s Most Humble Leader Award

MOSCOW — Russian President Vladimir Putin has declared himself the winner of the prestigious…
Elon Musk Announces Plans to Colonize Mars, Names Himself Supreme Emperor of the Red Planet

Elon Musk announced today that he’s not just planning to colonize Mars; he’s planning…
Kim Jong Un Advisor Surprised He Hasn’t Been Killed Yet

Pyongyang, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea – In a shocking twist of fate, one…