White House Denies Russia Wrote Peace Plan for Ukraine War, Claims They Only ‘Did the Outline’
WASHINGTON — After a wave of public backlash over oddly specific Russian idioms appearing throughout President Trump’s newly unveiled U.S. “peace plan” for Ukraine, the White House forcefully denied allegations that the Kremlin wrote the proposal, insisting Russia merely “shaped the document’s structure, themes, tone, flow, worldview, and several key paragraphs.”
“Russia did not write the peace plan,” Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt said, speaking slowly and enunciating each word as if doing hostage video damage control. “They only provided insight, consultation, sample text, a fully formatted outline with footnotes, suggested key talking points, and a version already translated back into English.”
Reporters immediately pointed out that the plan included phrases like “it is expected that Russia will not invade neighboring countries and NATO will not expand further.”
“Isn’t developing the outline nearly the same as writing the document?” asked a Washington Post reporter, raising his hand cautiously.
Karoline Leavitt’s face froze in a smile so tight it looked like her skin was threatening to secede from her skull.
“Not you again,” she hissed. “Didn’t we agree. No more fake news reporters asking logic-based questions?”
Seconds later, two extremely muscular men, who had been standing in the corners of the briefing room long before the briefing began, emerged from the shadows. Without saying a word, they lifted the Washington Post reporter by the armpits and carried him out like a misbehaving toddler.
As the door slammed behind them, Leavitt turned back to the podium and said “I hope he has fun getting deported to El Salvador.” She then resumed her cheerful demeanor as if nothing happened.
“Any further questions?” she asked with a sly smile.
Another reporter nervously raised his hand to ask whether U.S. officials had at least reviewed the peace plan before releasing it.
“Of course we reviewed it,” Leavitt said. “We added an American flag emoji on page three.”
She then concluded the briefing by reminding reporters that any suggestion of foreign influence was “deeply offensive,” and that further inquiries on the plan should be directed to “the U.S.-Russia Joint Peace Writing Task Force, located in the Old Executive Office Building, Suite 301.”
