Press Conference on Meta’s Smart Glasses Derails as Zuckerberg Faces Tough Questions About Molting Season
MENLO PARK, CA — What began as a highly orchestrated product launch for Meta’s new line of smart glasses quickly collapsed Thursday after reporters appeared less interested in augmented reality features and more focused on CEO Mark Zuckerberg’s alleged upcoming molting season.
“Today, we’re introducing a revolutionary new way to see the world,” Zuckerberg began, before being interrupted by a Wall Street Journal reporter shouting, “When exactly do you shed your skin, sir? And is it painful, or more of a therapeutic exfoliation?”
Attempts to redirect the discussion back to battery life and integrated AI assistants failed almost immediately, as Bloomberg’s tech correspondent followed up, “Will your old skin be sold in the Meta Marketplace, and if so, will it be NFT-verified?”
Zuckerberg, visibly blinking in alternating horizontal and vertical eyelids, tried to maintain composure. “The glasses allow you to seamlessly overlay digital information on the real world,” he said. But when CNBC pressed him on whether his cold-blooded physiology required him to bask on a rock under heat lamps between board meetings, the room erupted with further inquiries about diet, tongue elasticity, and egg-laying habits.
By the end of the conference, Zuckerberg had reportedly retreated to a warm terrarium behind the stage, leaving behind a promotional display of smart glasses, a half-finished cricket salad, and one freshly shed translucent husk.
