Maybe If We Just Ignore Climate Change, It Will Go Away Like My Ex Did

Look, I get it. Climate change is a looming existential threat, the planet is warming, and we’re all supposed to do something about it. But hear me out: What if we just... didn’t?

I mean, ignoring problems has worked for me in the past. My student loans? Haven’t looked at them in years. That mysterious check engine light in my car? Still on, still driving. My ex? Gone without a trace after I stopped responding to texts. See? Problems solve themselves all the time.

For years, scientists have been warning us about rising sea levels, extreme weather, and mass extinctions. And yet, here I am, typing this from a perfectly fine, non-flooded coffee shop with WiFi and overpriced oat milk lattes. If the world was truly ending, would they still be charging me $7 for caffeine? I think not.

Plus, let’s be honest—fixing climate change sounds exhausting. Reducing emissions, switching to renewable energy, holding corporations accountable? That’s a lot of effort. And the people in charge seem just as uninterested as I am! Every year there’s another climate summit where world leaders shake hands, make vague promises, and go right back to approving oil drilling permits. If they don’t care, why should I?

Besides, some of these so-called ‘climate solutions’ are downright ridiculous. Drive an electric car? I can barely afford rent, let alone a Tesla. Stop eating meat? You’ll pry this burger from my cold, dead, hands. And don’t even get me started on reusable straws.

So, I say we embrace the tried-and-true method of doing absolutely nothing. Just like my ex, climate change will eventually get the hint and stop bothering us. And if it doesn’t? Well, at least we would've had a good run.