Mark Zuckerberg Claims He Does Not Have Secret Reptilian Meetings About World Domination in His Underground Bunker
Silicon Valley, CA — In a hastily arranged press conference, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg denied persistent rumors that he hosts clandestine gatherings with a shadowy cabal of reptilian overlords in his subterranean bunker.
“I want to be clear: I’m just a normal, socially awkward billionaire with a penchant for BBQ sauces, not some kind of reptilian mastermind plotting world domination,” Zuckerberg said, his trademark deadpan delivery doing little to convince skeptics. “The bunker is strictly for tech innovation and not, I repeat, not for overthrowing humanity.”
The statement comes after an investigation by Wired revealed that Mark Zuckerberg has an underground bunker on his property in Hawaii. The bunker reportedly features climate-controlled terrariums, a suspiciously high number of UV heat lamps, and what one source described as “a really creepy throne room.”
When pressed about the allegations, Zuckerberg offered a different explanation. “The terrariums are for exotic plant research,” he insisted. “And the throne? Well, that’s just an ergonomic chair—albeit shaped like a coiled serpent with piercing fangs for...comfort reasons.”
