It’s Time to Bring Back the Most Humane Form of Capital Punishment - Firing Squads

Not only is the firing squad more humane, it’s also a return to proud American traditions. When we live in such an individualistic society, there’s something refreshingly intimate about a group of dedicated marksmen coming together to complete a task by hand. No computers, no bureaucratic delays - just justice.

The Practical Benefits

Lethal injection just isn’t practical. It requires a complex cocktail of drugs, often sourced from companies that object to the idea of their products being used for executions. The electric chair? Well, let’s just say that turning people into human popcorn is a little too Florida for the rest of us. The gas chamber? We tried that a few times; people had opinions.

But a firing squad? Bullets are cheap, widely available, and thanks to our robust gun culture we have no shortage of willing participants. Some states even have open carry laws that could allow for a truly democratic execution process. 

A Patriotic Renaissance

Let’s not forget the morale boost a firing squad would provide to our nation's struggling institutions. With public trust in the government at an all-time low, a good, old-fashioned execution could bring us together, especially if it was televised.

And why stop there? If the executions were televised then, with proper sponsorship, media companies could earn money from these public executions thereby providing a much needed boost to the economy.

The Humanitarian Angle

Now, I know what some of you will say: “This is barbaric! What about the suffering?” But the data is clear—when it comes to capital punishment, firing squads actually work better than lethal injection. No botched veins, no hour-long waiting periods while some poor doctor fumbles with a syringe. Just a simple countdown, a synchronized trigger pull, and justice served hot and fresh.

Even better, the guilt is distributed among the shooters—traditionally, one gun is loaded with a blank, so no one knows for sure if they fired the fatal shot. It’s like a team-building exercise, except someone dies.

Bringing Tradition Back to America

We live in an era where everything has become automated, sanitized, and detached from its roots. Why should executions be any different? The firing squad is a relic of a simpler time. A time when men were men, justice was swift, and people took pride in their work.

So let’s do the right thing, America. Let’s embrace our history, support our troops (by giving them more opportunities to shoot things), and bring back the firing squad. For justice. For tradition. For ratings.

And if it goes well? We can talk about bringing back dueling next.