Houthi Rebels Take Farne Island in Surprise Raid
The world’s media was shocked by the news that emerged yesterday that Farne Island had been invaded by a small band of Houthi rebels. A force of twelve Houthis ‘raided’ the scenic island off the coast of Northumberland in the UK. The attack party landed on the beach at Farne Island in a rubber dinghy armed with cameras and a picnic basket. They then proceeded to claim the island as theirs in the name of Abdul-Malik Badruldeen al-Houthi by stapling the Houthi ‘supporters of Allah’ flag to a grey seal’s flipper. The rebels stayed on the island for at least twenty five minutes before abandoning it, returning to their dinghy and leaving.
The news of the raid was broken by broadcaster Al Jazeera in the early hours of this morning, the raid being completely undetected by the UK border forces, coastguard, and any of the armed forces. There were reports by nature lovers of a seal entering Sea houses harbour with a flag stapled to it’s front left flipper, but these were ignored by the authorities.
A statement about the raid has been issued by the Houthi rebels, and reads thus:
“We thought it was about time to give the UK government a bloody nose, so we sent a few of the lads across to cause a bit of mischief. We clubbed together and bought a second hand rubber dinghy because we weren’t prepared to pay the extortionate thirteen quid those crooks in Sea houses wanted for the return ferry fare to the island. When we landed it was bloody freezing. The wind cuts right through you there. It comes straight across from the Urals. After doing the flag thing with the seal, which was no fun, I can tell you, those animals stink of fish, we had our picnic then buggered off. We think we’ve made our point.”
When asked exactly what was the point, their spokesman said, “The UK have been bombing the shit out of us, as have the Americans. We’re running out of places to store our rockets. Each time they flatten one of our garages it costs us money to rebuild it. Any why are they doing it? Would it surprise you to learn that a lot of UK and US politicians have shares in very profitable arms manufacturing companies? Our huts cost about fifty quid. An AGM 84 Block 11 Harpoon cruise missile costs about three million quid of your taxpayers’ money. You do the math. These shitbags are making a fortune.”
A UK government spokeswoman said, “Where’s Farne Island?”
A spokesperson for the British charity the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, Mr William Milksop, said, “This sort of thing has got to stop. Stapling flags to the flippers of innocent seals is not just cruel, it’s bloody cruel! I have no time to elaborate further as I’m off to Farne Island myself.” When asked the reason for his visit to the nature reserve, Milksop waved a baseball bat in the air and replied, “Me and the lads have to do a bit of culling before the tourist season starts.”
