Government Declares War on Piracy, Executes Local Man for Watching "Avengers: Endgame" Without Paying
CINCINNATI, OHIO - Authorities have taken drastic measures to address movie piracy by executing a local man, John Myers, for illegally streaming "Avengers: Endgame" from the comfort of his own home. This marks a new chapter in the war against copyright infringement, where harsh penalties are now the name of the game.
The execution, which took place on Tuesday, has sent shockwaves through the community. Myers, a mild-mannered accountant by day and an avid Marvel fan by night, was caught red-handed by a covert task force composed of Hollywood's elite security teams and local law enforcement. The task force stormed into Myers’ suburban home just as Iron Man was about to save the universe for the umpteenth time.
"We cannot tolerate this blatant disregard for intellectual property rights," declared Police Chief Stan Eastman at a press conference. "Mr. Myers’ actions threatened the very fabric of our economy and undermined the livelihoods of countless hardworking individuals in the film industry. By making an example out of him, we hope to deter others from committing similar atrocities."
The swift execution, carried out by a firing squad dressed as various Marvel superheroes, was streamed live on several legitimate streaming platforms, with proceeds going to the "Save the Studios" fund. Critics have questioned the ethics of such a spectacle, but supporters argue that extreme measures are necessary to protect the creative genius of Hollywood.
Local politicians have been quick to jump on the bandwagon, proposing new legislation that includes mandatory life sentences for downloading movies and even the death penalty for sharing them on social media.
Meanwhile, citizens are advised to double-check their streaming subscriptions and keep receipts for all movie rentals. Authorities have also encouraged people to report any suspicious streaming activity, with a generous reward offered for tips leading to the capture of movie pirates.
