God to Trump: 'You're Making Me Look Bad Up Here'
HEAVEN - In a rare celestial address, God Almighty reportedly expressed deep frustration with President Donald Trump, lamenting that his continued invocation of divine support is causing a “serious branding issue” for the kingdom of heaven.
“Look, I’m omnipotent and all that, but even I have limits when it comes to PR disasters,” God said in a statement. The Almighty clarified that while He does, in fact, “work in mysterious ways,” He has never personally endorsed a political candidate and would appreciate it if Trump stopped name-dropping Him like they were golf buddies.
God continued, “I mean, I let humans have free will, but this is pushing it.”
The statement concluded with a firm but merciful plea: “Don, for the love of Me, please stop telling people I sent you. You're making Me look bad up here.”
At press time, sources confirmed that God had instructed archangel Gabriel to update His LinkedIn profile to emphasize that He “no longer takes responsibility for earthly leadership appointments.”
