FDA Approves First-Ever Prescription Strength Placebo
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a landmark decision this week, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved the first-ever "prescription-strength placebo," ushering in a new era for the placebo industry and Big Pharma's never-ending quest to make billions of dollars off your misery.
Dr. Karen Mills, the lead researcher in Placebo Technology, explained that this placebo, dubbed Placebex, represents the pinnacle of placebo technology. “Patients taking Placebex can expect the same effect as any over-the-counter placebo," explained Mills, "but now with the added confidence that a doctor thought it was serious enough to write a prescription for it."
“Part of what makes Placebex so effective is its cost,” said Jay Moore, Chief Marketing Officer of PlaceboMed Inc., the pharmaceutical giant behind Placebex. “Patients feel reassured when they know they’re paying top dollar for something — even if that something is nothing.”
At press time, pharmaceutical company PlaceboMed Inc. announced that it was in the early stages of developing Placebex XR, an extended-release version of the prescription-strength placebo, promising "longer-lasting peace of mind with fewer daily doses." Early clinical trials reportedly showed a 100% success rate in convincing participants they felt better, though researchers admitted results were skewed when one participant claimed, “I’m feeling the side effects already!” before the placebo capsule had even touched their lips.