E.U. Debates Whether Aid Should Go to Ukraine or Directly to the Corrupt Officials, Saving Everyone Time
In a refreshing moment of bureaucratic honesty, European Union (EU) officials admitted they are considering sending future Ukraine aid packages straight to the corrupt officials who would ultimately steal them anyway, thereby “saving everyone time, paperwork, and emotional exhaustion.”
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, speaking from Kyiv, rejected the idea outright, saying Ukraine remains firmly committed to fighting corruption.
“We do not condone corruption in any form,” Zelensky insisted. “And if any officials have fled the country with millions in stolen aid, that is purely coincidental and unrelated to our values.”
Still, some EU officials argued the proposal could streamline an otherwise messy process, citing efficiency gains that could be realized if Ukrainian aid was given directly to corrupt officials. But other EU officials expressed moral concerns.
“We cannot simply give taxpayer money to corrupt individuals,” said a French delegate. “Not without first conducting a 14-month feasibility study and drafting a 600-page ethics report that no one will read.”
However, on Monday morning, EU officials reached a general agreement over instituting a “corruption tax” on all financial aid sent to Ukraine. According to EU officials, the corruption tax consists of reserving 10% of all aid sent to Ukraine for corrupt individuals, thereby reducing the likelihood that corrupt officials will siphon additional funds from aid reserved for Ukraine.
