After Trump Executive Order Department of Education Brings Back Segregation
WASHINGTON, DC - President Trump signed an executive order Monday morning demanding the Department of Education "institute segregation within the next 90 days."
Leaked memos reveal that the Department of Education is wasting no time in following orders, with reports surfacing of brand-new "blacks only" and "whites only" water fountains appearing in select elementary schools overnight. Even more impressively, construction crews have allegedly begun retrofitting classrooms to separate students based on a skin color chart from an old 1950s textbook.
"We're bringing back tradition," Secretary of Education Denise Carter stated in a press conference. She continued, "This is about school choice, and nothing says ‘choice’ like being forced into separate facilities."
Meanwhile, the White House defended the move, insisting the order was actually inclusive. "Listen, no one is being forced into anything," Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt reassured reporters. "They're just being offered the chance to learn separately but equally—I don't see what the issue is."
The administration seems committed to its 90-day deadline. According to additional leaked documents, future plans include reviving Jim Crow etiquette handbooks, installing “Negro seating” in the back of school buses, and launching a rebranded literacy test called Make Reading Great Again.
Despite the backlash, Trump took to Truth Social to defend the order, posting:
"FAKE NEWS LYING AGAIN! Segregation is PERFECTLY LEGAL. Very LEGAL. Very COOL. People are saying this is the BEST segregation since the old days! Schools will be tremendous. Education will be BIGLY better. BLACKS LOVE IT!"
When asked whether he thought this could potentially backfire, Trump shrugged. "Hey, if it doesn't work out, we'll just blame Obama and DEI."
