Top 5 Ways to Sound Informed on Election Issues Without Actually Knowing Anything

With these classic one-liners and tried-and-true strategies, you can hold your own in any political discussion without knowing anything at all.

1. "It’s About Time We Had Some Real Change Around Here"

This line is a timeless crowd-pleaser, perfect for any election year. Whether the discussion’s about education, taxes, or national infrastructure, throw this line into the mix. It signals to everyone that you’re tired of the same old, same old and ready for something new—without having to clarify what that “something new” actually entails. Just be prepared to nod with determination when someone follows up with, “Exactly! That’s what I’ve been saying.”

Optional Add-On: Dramatically sigh and say, “The system’s been broken for a long time. We need leaders who actually listen.”

2. "I’m Just Here to Vote Out the Corruption"

Everybody hates corruption, but nobody really knows who’s responsible for it, and everyone loves to pretend they’re the only one fed up with it. This line gives you an air of righteous indignation and aligns you with all sides at once. Who doesn’t want to root out corruption? The best part: no specifics needed! Just let people assume you’re talking about their least favorite politician.

Pro Tip: If anyone presses you on who exactly is corrupt, just shake your head, look wistful, and say, “You know, it’s all of them. That’s the problem, isn’t it?”

3. "I Think the Real Issue is the Economy"

You’ve hit a goldmine here. The economy is a grand, sweeping topic that everyone cares about, but no one truly understands. It’s perfect. If the conversation starts veering into murky details, redirect with: “People just want stability, right? We’re all tired of feeling like the system’s against us.” Now, they’ll be nodding along with you, thankful someone finally “gets it.” Just avoid specifics like “GDP” or “inflation rate” unless you feel especially brave.

Conversation Boosters: “The middle class is really suffering” or “We’ve got to stop sending jobs overseas.” This will earn you enthusiastic nods without requiring an economics degree.

4. "What Happened to Common Sense?"

This line is vague, nostalgic, and oh-so-reassuring. It invokes a simpler time (real or imagined) when “things just worked.” You don’t need to identify what isn’t making sense – just suggest that it’s everywhere and everyone’s too “out of touch” to see it. You’ll sound like the last bastion of logic in a world gone mad, even if you’re not exactly sure what common sense actually entails in this context.

Alternative Variation: “I don’t know what happened to common sense, but we need it back – in a big way.” If anyone tries to debate what common sense actually is, shake your head with a weary look and mutter, “If only more people understood…”

5. "It’s All About Holding People Accountable"

Accountability is a powerful, open-ended buzzword that can be applied to every situation, ever. Accountability sounds principled and responsible but requires zero details. People will nod along, convinced you’ve hit the nail on the head. Want to sound extra knowledgeable? Follow it up with a vague call to action: “It’s time we put our foot down and demanded better from our leaders.”

Bonus Line for Emphasis: “The lack of accountability is why we’re in this mess in the first place.” Don’t worry if no one knows which “mess” you’re referring to—they’ll likely agree anyway.

Final Survival Tip: The “Nod and Pivot” Technique

Sometimes, people ask questions that are too specific, like, “But what about foreign policy?” or “How do you feel about the infrastructure bill?” Don’t panic! Simply nod knowingly, lean in a bit, and say, “You know, it’s such a complex issue. I just think we all deserve leaders who put the country first.” Then pivot back to any of the above phrases with a shrug that implies your wisdom goes beyond the need for details.

With these five phrases, you’ll be able to breeze through any election talk without breaking a sweat. You’ll be that rare breed – the politically savvy yet charmingly noncommittal conversationalist, ready to navigate the turbulent seas of political debate like a pro.