Mark Zuckerberg Claims He's Not a Reptillian then Proceeds to Sit Under Heat Lamp for Two Hours
Menlo Park, CA - In a recent press conference at Meta Headquarters, CEO Mark Zuckerberg vehemently denied ongoing internet rumors claiming he is a reptilian, only to spend the subsequent two hours basking under a heat lamp installed at the podium.
"The idea that I'm part of a reptilian elite controlling the world is utterly baseless," Zuckerberg stated, as he adjusted the angle of a conspicuously large heat lamp next to him. Audience members reported a slight hiss, which Zuckerberg assured was just the sound of Meta's "new and improved VR equipment cooling down."
As the conference progressed, Zuckerberg outlined Meta's new initiatives for enhancing virtual reality experiences. However, it became increasingly difficult for the audience to pay attention to the technical details over the visible steam rising from Zuckerberg's direction.
Halfway through the demonstration of Meta's latest VR headset, Zuckerberg casually mentioned the benefits of a "thermoregulated work environment," claiming it boosts productivity and focus. "Just like how this heat lamp helps me stay energized," he added, while a Meta assistant discreetly replaced his water with what appeared to be a large bowl of crickets.
The spectacle reached its peak when Zuckerberg, responding to a question about data privacy, unbuttoned his shirt to reveal what he described as "just an ordinary human chest," though the scales and a faint green glow suggested otherwise.
Meta has not responded to requests for further comment on whether heat lamps will be standard issue in future company meetings or why their cafeteria recently switched to a insect-based menu.
