Black Widows
As a result of the Russia-Ukraine War women in Russia have been lining up to marry Russian soldiers. However, many Russian men have been disappointed to find out that their new wives are more interested in their death benefits than the marriage itself. “I was writing my wife letters while
Ukrainian Corruption
In a refreshing moment of bureaucratic honesty, European Union (EU) officials admitted they are considering sending future Ukraine aid packages straight to the corrupt officials who would ultimately steal them anyway, thereby “saving everyone time, paperwork, and emotional exhaustion.” Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, speaking from Kyiv, rejected the idea outright,
International
According to statements made during a press conference, Israel’s Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu recently began adding “break ceasefire with Hamas” to his list of daily tasks, right alongside “brush teeth,” “check polls,” and “commit war crimes.” “We broke the ceasefire with Hamas and killed over a hundred people in
Defense is for Losers
WASHINGTON - President Trump signed an executive order Friday morning to rename the Department of Defense to the Department of War, a move that is estimated to cost the government $4 million over the next two years. “We’re no longer calling it Defense Department we’re calling it War
International
KYIV—In a display of almost-cooperation, Russia and Ukraine have agreed to a prisoner swap, marking the first time in months the two nations have accomplished anything together besides blaming each other for catastrophic explosions. The deal, described by both sides as “a small but meaningful step,” involved exchanging soldiers,
Elon Musk
AUSTIN, TX - Elon Musk announced plans this week to launch a new defense contracting firm, StarBrigade, aimed at accelerating his long-term vision of profiting off every corner of human existence, including international conflict. At a press conference held at Tesla's headquarters, Musk explained his motivation. “I’ve
Trump and Zelensky
WASHINGTON - After a tumultuous meeting between Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky and President Donald Trump, Trump stated during his congressional address that having a “nice steak dinner” could lead to the brokering of a peace deal with Russia. Trump, who claimed to have "brokered the best deals, the very
International
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Joe Biden expressed his deep frustration after Israel's government issued a statement claiming that the recent attack on an aid convoy was, in fact, a mistake. The President, known for his calm demeanor and aviator sunglasses, reportedly wishes Israel would just admit it
Israel
Washington — According to an anonymous source, when President Joe Biden hugged the Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, in October, Biden whispered in Netanyahu’s ear, “where am I.” Witnesses that where with the president reported that the Israeli Prime Minister, slightly confused, reciprocated the hug while gently reminding President Biden
Biden
President Joe Biden has miraculously come to the realization that he is, in fact, the President of the United States. And as if that wasn't enough to stun the nation into silence, he has also single-handedly solved the Middle East crisis. The man who once forgot his own
Russia
MOSCOW — Russian President Vladimir Putin has declared himself the winner of the prestigious "World's Most Humble Leader Award" during a lavish ceremony held in the Kremlin. Putin, known for his modesty and down-to-earth demeanor, graciously accepted the award, which he also designed, funded, and presented to