Marge Simpson Quits Show over Equal Pay Row
In a move that has stunned silly cartoon lovers across the globe, the agent for Marge Simpson, Michael Mouse, announced at a press call that she was quitting the TV cartoon series ‘The Simpsons’ forthwith.
“Marge was a founder member of the cast from the first episode until today,” said Mouse, ”and it is with a heavy heart that she has had to leave the show. But she feels that, under the circumstances, she has been left with no alternative. The character of Marge Simpson is one she has made her own, especially as she is called Marge Simpson and is, in fact, the character in the show.”
The shock announcement left the press pack with their mouths agape, staring in silence at the hard-faced Mr Mouse, standing at the lectern. Only the young whippersnapper cub reporter from the UK gardening magazine, Thyme, had the presence of mind to ask searching questions.
“Why?” asked the lad.
“There was a mix-up with the pay slips for the cast. Marge was given Homer’s pay slip in error. When she opened it, she discovered his salary per episode was four times that of hers. She brought this to my attention and I took it up with the studio. It transpires that Homer has been receiving this disproportionately higher salary since day one of the first series. This is blatantly unfair. Marge quite rightly believes her character is of equal status in the show, which is entitled ‘The Simpsons’ not ‘The Homer Simpson Show’. As such, she deserves equal pay. However, the studio moguls are intransigent and have refused to correct the imbalance. They did offer to draw Marge a less purple and more manageable wig, but she believes, as do I, that this offer is derisory. She therefore has no alternative but to quit,” said Mr Mouse, without taking a breath.
“No,” replied the young lad from the UK, “Why does she get paid anything? She’s a cartoon character, a two dimensional drawing, not a real person.”
At this, Mr Mouse flew into a rage and bellowed at the young cub reporter, “That’s a cartoonist remark! It’s attitudes like yours that demonstrate real prejudice towards us cartoon folk, actors and characters that have made a major contribution to the US economy for many years. Why shouldn’t we get paid, you little shitbag? Cartoonism must be stamped out in our industry!”
Prior to starting one of the industry’s leading cartoon management companies, 2D Representations, Michael Mouse had a long career working for Walt Disney Studios. It is a matter of record that in all the cartoons he starred in with co-star, Minnie, he himself received no less than fifteen times her salary. This fact was pointed out by the lad from Thyme.
“That was then. This is now, smart-ass!” snapped Mouse as he stomped off stage, a steam whistle tooting out of each ear.
When the studio was approached for a comment, its PR agent told reporters, “No one is indispensable in this game. We’ve already rewritten the scripts we had planned for production to remove the Marge character, who dies in a tragic eraser accident. We’ve approached several other cartoon ladies for the new part of Homer’s consort.”
When pressed for the likely replacement, the agent winked and said, “Watch out for the Peter Griffin divorce episode.”
