Help. I’m Trapped! 10 Ways to Get Out of a Boring Conversation
Adam Johns was attending a business dinner recently when the man next to him began to drone on about annuities and asset allocation. Ten minutes in, Johns had enough. But he didn't know how to escape the situation. Here are ten ways to get out of a boring conversation in case you find yourself in a similar situation.
Warning: These tips may or may not work and are not intended to be taken completely seriously.
The Bathroom Breakout
Excuse yourself for a quick trip to the restroom. Everyone understands the call of nature. The beauty? No one can question it. Just be sure not to return too quickly—or they might think you forgot to wash your hands!
The Fake Call
Set a timer on your phone to ring after a few minutes into the conversation. Apologize profusely as you take your "very important" call. For added realism, walk away talking about budget reports or your imaginary cat's veterinarian needs.
The Sudden Recognition
Scan your surroundings until your eyes land on literally any object. Squint slightly, then exclaim, “Isn’t that the insert random object here?! I must get a closer look!” Walk away briskly towards said object. Admire a lamp like it's a piece of lost Atlantis.
The Drink Dash
Declare your sudden and intense thirst—perhaps the conversation dried you out. Offer to get drinks, and take the longest possible route to the bar or kitchen. By the time you return, hopefully, they’ve found another victim.
The Buddy Bailout
Arrange a signal with a friend beforehand (like tugging your ear or adjusting your ring) that screams, "Save me!" Have them interrupt with an urgent fake problem. “There’s an issue with the... uh, thing in the place!”
The Confused Consultant
Start asking wildly off-topic questions. “Do you know how to knit an octopus sweater?” or “Any advice on painting my mailbox to deter squirrels?” Confuse them into silence.
The Compliment Exit
Flood them with compliments. “I just have to say, your ability to recall every episode of Law & Order is astounding!” Follow it up with, “I must tell others of your epic memory!” Then escape in the pretense of spreading the gospel of their greatness.
The Over-Sharer
Turn the tables and start sharing increasingly bizarre personal stories. “Did I mention my third cousin twice removed is a professional clown?” The weirder, the better. You’ll either scare them off or find you have more in common than you thought.
The Eager Delegate
Excitedly introduce them to someone else nearby. “Have you met Pat? Pat loves talking about vintage stamps!” Make your escape in the handoff, leaving them in the capable hands of Pat, the unwitting new host.
The Apocalyptic Exit
Glance at your phone, widen your eyes, and whisper, “It’s happening.” Refuse to elaborate, dash off with a mix of urgency and regret. They'll be too bewildered to follow.
