tornwires
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Leaked: Trump has Shrine to Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping in Oval Office
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to an anonymous White House staffer, President Trump has erected…
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Israel’s Prime Minister Adds ‘Break Ceasefire’ to List of Common Daily Tasks
Jerusalem – According to statements made during a press conference, Israel’s Prime Minister Benjamin…
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JD Vance Defends 30 Year-olds’ Racist Group Texts: ‘Hey, We All Passed Notes About Swastikas in Fourth Grade’
WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance downplayed messages in a Young Republicans group chat…
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Trump Admits He Does Not Know Definition of the Word ‘Christian’
WASHINGTON – During a speech held at the White House, President Trump, who claims…
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Putin Denies Involvement in Political Opponent’s Death, Cites “Rare Condition Where People Fall 70 Feet Out of Windows”
MOSCOW — Responding to growing speculation over the mysterious death of opposition figure and…
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Name Change to Department of War Postponed Due to Government Shutdown
WASHINGTON — The long-awaited rebranding of the Department of Defense to its more honest title,…
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Local True Crime Enthusiast Can’t Wait Until Serial Killer Commits Next Murder
SPRINGFIELD, IL — Local resident and self-described “true crime junkie” Melissa Hargrove says she’s…
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White House Has Contingency Plan in Case the Rapture Happens and Trump Gets Left Behind
WASHINGTON — According to an anonymous source in the White House, the Trump Administration…
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Press Conference on Meta’s Smart Glasses Derails as Zuckerberg Faces Tough Questions About Molting Season
MENLO PARK, CA — What began as a highly orchestrated product launch for Meta’s…
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Trump Renames Pentagon ‘Department of War,’ Says Defense Is for Losers
WASHINGTON – President Trump signed an executive order Friday morning to rename the Department…